More girl advice already?

[LegendaryKA8]

Yep, I'm back with more of this. You guys tend to offer some pretty decent advice, and I like the fact that this community is friendly, yet direct and straight-hitting. Even though I didn't get the chance to use said advice last time, here's another sitch I'm finding myself in.

The friend that held the party from my last thread ended up introducing me to an acquaintence of hers. We 'met' online, but I vaguely remember her from hanging out with my friend in the past... never really did talk to her. We hit it off really well... so many things in common that it's scary, and we end up spending most of our spare time chatting, texting, or talking with each other on the phone. This was the weekend before Halloween, and we both made plans to meet up at a party our friend was going to.

We meet up before the party(she lives in a town north of Denver, so a fairly decent drive away) to get some lunch. She brought a friend with her, but she spent about 90% of the time paying attention to me. What was interesting is that she paid a lot of physical attention to me right off... walking with her arm around mine, hugging me several times, that sort of thing. She ended up kissing me at the party... something I didn't think was going to happen.

After the party she invites both her friend and I back to her place to watch movies. More cuddling and kissing ensued, and after her friend left we fell asleep together(there was no hitting it, so don't even ask... :P ). We spend the next day together and I finally get back home around 10PM Sunday.

The bad part is that she's already dating someone. I have no idea if they have met before, but it's one of those long-distance things... he lives in Alabama, she lives here in Colorado. He also seems to be ignoring her a great deal(she also has suspicions he's cheating on her) and she seems to be pretty sick of it; every time I've seen her get a text or a phone call from him she flat-out deletes the text or denies the call. This has happened while I've been with her as well as talking to her on the phone.

I'll admit I've grown a bit attached to her. She's funny, intelligent, I have a crapload in common with her and she's rather attractive. However, something's not sitting quite right here: She says she still loves this guy she's 'dating,' even though every single thing I've seen her do doesn't seem so at all. It's almost like she's goading him to break up with her or something, because she's doing stuff like posting pictures of her and I on her social networking pages(and he bitches at her as a result), posting comments like she misses me... stuff like that. However, I've brought up the 'I'd like to date you eventually' angle and she tells me she's still with him.. although she's dropped a couple of hints that once he's out of the picture she'd consider me.

This doesn't sit right with me. I mean, if she's really all that interested in him, she wouldn't have taken me to her house and locked lips with me all night... nor would she ignore him totally just to talk to me. Hell, she's most likely taking the time to spend the weekend with me down here(200 mile round trip, at that). This isn't the behavior of someone who's happily with their boyfriend, right? We've talked a total of 30+ hours on the phone since the Saturday before last and have sent literally thousands of texts; seriously, I'm even texting with her right now while she's at work. What's up with this?

Believe me, I'm definitely enamored with this girl and would just about kill to date her, but I just need to figure out where exactly she's at. Telling me she won't date me because she's with some guy she only argues with, but doing anything she wishes with me on the side is kinda strange. I'm starting to think that she can't bring herself to break up with him, so she's pushing him to do it for her. But... any advice on this?

[Wes]

I've never claimed to understand the female gender very well but here's my .02

-I know what it's like to get all excited about a female that pays attention to you (even when she has a BF). Try to keep your emotions on an even keel right now - not too up and not too down - until you further know what will happen with this relationship

- You need to find out what the hell she's doing with this guy whos across the US, she's obviously either a) lonely or b) looking for a guy to hookup with or c) looking for a guy to lead on and then hook up with and then let him go (or d) all of the above). I hope you're not C which is why I say keep things on an even keel for now

-It's up to you on whether you want to keep kissing her because you like her and see where it goes or say "wait, hold up, you're kissing me and you have a BF in Alabama?" Let her know you're feeling her and you don't know how she really feels about you (*be careful she could lie about how she feels about you just to get somewhere with you*)

-Ultimately, I think it's best to be straightforward with her in your feelings since there's already some kind of attraction from both sides. Tell her you like her but you are trying to gauge whether she wants to be just good friends, friends with benefits, or have a faithful relationship.

If it were me, I'd want more details as to why this other guy is even in the picture, what's happened in their relationship, and why she's all over you when she's got a man somewhere else. If you're just looking for some fun times, she sounds fun. If you're looking for something serious and worthwhile, you need to find out more information about how this relationship can work out due to the current circumstances.

[GreekPower]

don't date her. if shes doing this to another guy she will do it to you. end of story hit it if you can or move on.

[alittlethin]

Originally Posted by GreekPower

don't date her. if shes doing this to another guy she will do it to you. end of story hit it if you can or move on.

Greek,that might be the best advice you have ever posted.

[GreekPower]

Originally Posted by alittlethin

Greek,that might be the best advice you have ever posted.

no the last time I gave girl advice I told them to PITTB and that worked well for him. haha

[MondiVTEC]

Originally Posted by GreekPower

don't date her. if shes doing this to another guy she will do it to you. end of story hit it if you can or move on.

finally some useful advice from greek!

If you dont follow this advice you will be asking us for more in a few weeks. You asked...here it is!

[ratsar_nx]

Greek's got it right, or at least the first half.

I dsagree with the second part of his statement; don't try and hit it if you can... do you really want to be the "other guy"? If you don't want another guy doing it to you, don't do it to another guy.

Also, those kind of things have a way of coming back and biting you in the ass down the road.

[Caliente Legend]

This is why i dont do long distance relationships. its bound to happen, girls get lonely and have needs too.
If shes messing around with you, shes obviously not serious with her BF. shes just probly using that excuse to keep her options open.
dont try to get a serious relationship with her cause its not her time yet. Looks like shes trying to make her BF jealous, shes doing a good job.
you have 2 choice.
1) leave her and looks for someone new
2) have fun with her while it last, and like Lou said, Hit it if you can.

[xyumyum]

Hm. I have to admit, the female gender is .. yeah.

It could be you're just being used as some sort of like-- how do you say it: rebound?
She obviously "loves" this distant boyfriend of hers, yet he doesn't pay attention to her, so therefore, you fit in the picture just fine.

She still has him, and now she has you that pays attention to her.

I would keep my guard up. It seems either she's just trying to make her boyf jealous; Either that or she does like you and has no idea what to do.

It's really all on you. Proceed with precaution! :X

[B+O]

straight up...

I've recently found myself in this situation. It's one of two things happening right now.

She's either just trying to get her ego stroked as much as possible so she can feel better about herself, and get some sex in the middle of it if possible. OR, she's just an unfaithful type and has commitment issues.

My situation went something like:

I met this girl a while back, we were cool for a short minute. I really wanted to get with her...I mean bad. But i made the mistake of asking her if she had a BF. Wrong move because what happened next can only explained as "Straight up wrong" (on m part, and hers)

We talked, and as we talked it got more and more wreckless til the point i about had her come over to the house and knock it out the park. that said, i never did, but the fact she didn't STOP me from talking to her like this, and even gettin her to want it gave me pause.

I thought i wanted her in more than just sex, but after i hit the brakes and analyzed the situation, i realized Maybe she is just in her "Look at me" phase. and when i dropped a bit of a comment to see what she'd say, she confirmed she had a massive ego. That limited her ability to be completely faithful, i think. Get a few drinks in her and i'd have blown the back out of her...

So really, if all you want is to beat it down, and keep her as a friend, do that. Otherwise, leave it alone. Don't let her suck you in because as soon as the next dude comes along, she's going to do the same thing to you...

As some women say, "If he cheats on his wife for you, he'll cheat on you for someone else" infidelity isn't a one time thing...it's a string of unfortunate behavior patterns.